Someone ought to call the Mommy Police

What kind of mother manages to ruin every package of Jiffy Pop that lands in her hands? I am the only person I know who has NEVER managed to make that small swirl of foil bulge larger than a Rome apple. The kernels that do manage to pop are always burned, and I am left feeling as though it is time to hand in my Mommy License. Sure, I do all the cool mom things, like drawing superhero logos on sponges for bath time, and making green pancakes, but Jiffy Pop always seems to drop me down a few notches on the Parental Skill Meter. Skabby always manages these things, as though it was one of the more important lessons at Boy Camp, yet, my best friend has his BC Diploma and is as bad with that aluminum monstrosity as I am. I think it's time we get a microwave...